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| Monogate - a disclosure Hard on the heels of the scandal involving Nelsinho Piqet and Renault at Singapore,comes even more startling revelations from A Former Leading Monoposto driver and Spa Record Holder. In view of the inevitable legal issues, investigations and recriminations, we have decided to hide the identity of the whistleblower and his team-mate by pixelating his image (right) and removing his vowels. In view of the gravity of the allegations,we have not witheld the team's name. Over now to Ph*l M**r*: Having been inspired by the fresh open approach to discussing team tactics
by the Renault team, and the fantastic loyalty of the Piquets, I feel
motivated to become somewhat of a whistle blower myself. In many incidents during the 2004-2006 seasons my team mate "J" Von "D" crashed his car to ensure a better result for me. I know it wasn't big and it wasn't clever but we both felt insecure at the time, and both Jeremy and Paul can be quite persuasive. Also "J" was smoking quite a bit at the time and a degree of paranoia had swept over him. His greatest concern was that his run of team ordered DNF's would jeopardize his chances of landing the spare seat at Magic Motor sport. Even though "J"s CV included stints as Jaguar Racing's F3000 development driver as well as many spectacular results in other formulae, he was particularly worried about the time he was instructed to take out Magic's 3rd driver, Lee Bennett, at Castle Combe. In the end Magic chose to keep the same driver line up and "J" went on to become a race instructor and ARDS tester at Brands Hatch so nothing came out. Out of the many races that were 'fixed' I can highlight Spa as being the most blatant. "J" was instructed to crash in Qualifying (so he could bring out the safety car) while I was on a flying lap ahead of the incident. Everything went to plan with "J", receiving the 2 finger 'unfall' sign (German for accident) from Paul Hughes on the pit wall. As Paul made the gesture repeatedly, "J" flicked his steering wheel first to the left, and then to the right aquaplaning through the stream on the start/finish straight. The resulting crash into both walls should have been enough to cause a full course red flag but the Belgians were busy discussing mayonnaise and dispatched the wrong vehicle. Instead of a red flag and a safety car, out came the slow moving vehicle flag and a recovery truck. In true German team spirit "J" realised the Walloons mistake, collected his car, and continued for another lap whilst looking for an opportunity to crash again. Confusion spread and now not just Paul and Jeremy, but even the marshals were now showing "J" the Unfall sign. In a nice nod to Magic Motorsports,."J" continued to drive his battered car until running it out of petrol. Recent events in F1 have made me realise that I shouldn't have been party
to this race fixing. Even though at the time I was benefiting, I do feel
compelled to come clean on this. If the committee would be so nice as
to organise amnesty for myself and the mercurial German, I'm sure we will
both be available to give full testimony against Nemesis team principal
Jeremy Bennett and race engineer Paul Hughes. I'd just like to apologise
to the other drivers and "J"s many fans, Footnote: As Bernie Ecclestone almost said "It's a very wide issue. After all, if I told you to rob a train, you wouldn't have to do it, would you?" Investigations will continue.
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The pixelated whilstleblower (with Neil Harrison doing his Senna impression.)
Piquet, lightly touching the barrier at Singapore. Bet "ING" formed part of what he said.
Aftermath of the Great Train Robbery, which for the avoidance of doubt was nothing whatever to do with Bernie Ecclestone. |
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