The Parkinson Line............. Alternative Minutes, Monoposto Racing Club Directors Meeting 24th November 2009

This was the final meeting of 2009 for the directors who as normal had travelled from all parts of the country, A new venue had been sourced by our secretary as the previously used hotel had let us down badly by twice double booking the meeting room. It was perhaps this change of venue that accounted for the initial conversations debating the relative merits of maps, GPS and the old bloke exercising his gun dog. Perhaps some got lost, or even preferred to attend the Justice for Kerb Crawlers Petition Group meeting taking place at the old venue.

The meeting commenced slightly later than planned as our treasurer spent thirty five minutes negotiating the price of the coffee that we’d ordered for the meeting. This was only resolved, when to cut the deadlock, we all decided to drink water instead.

Then, with a full agenda, the reports from the various directors came thick and fast.

I find some of the technical discussions slightly boring. I donned my glasses and doodled on a sheet of paper trying to look as if I was musing about some particularly intense subject when really I didn’t have a clue what the others were talking about. Valve seats and cams. I got quite embarrassed when the word orifice kept cropping up. But by this time it was after the garden shed. Watershed. Or whatever happens at nine o clock. So I suppose it was alright. I’m not going to turn my back on some our directors after that though. 40mm orifices, boring out, pistons etc. The mind boggles.

Fortunately the next subject was much more interesting. Where we are liable to be racing next year. Sounds good. Brands Hatch, Silverstone, Epsom and Snetterton were mentioned. Epsom? It was evidently such a cheap entry fee that the treasurer insisted on it. A four furlong handicap race for retired Blackpool Donkeys. Crash helmets and race suits can be utilised in place of racing silks and hats providing that they are currently approved by the MSA and the National Donkey Derby Society.

Discussion on who the various subjective annual awards would go to was next. You know the type of thing. Best Mechanic. Best newcomer. Ugliest driver etc. Debate was quite intense with each director pushing their personal views. Not a place for the faint hearted. Things got a little heated at some time in the discussions and I found myself under the table chatting to someone about the merits of Welsh grown rhubarb, as opposed to English grown, in order to keep out of trouble. Discretion being the better part of valour.

It wasn’t as bad as it sounded though as we kept going until lock in time. Only two of my fellow directors were kept overnight in hospital for observation and only one was detained at the police station after our treasurer had found the necessary bail for the others. The interest he was charging sounded a bit steep though.

Another meeting over.

The things we do for the membership.

David Parkinson

The directors had some competition for the old meeting room

A director asks for directions from the ever helpful Oxfordshire constabulary.

An example of the new class of MonoDonkey