Take physic,pomp. Expose thyself to feel what wretches feel.

Shakespeare always hated doctors and Lear was a miserable old man.

Last July I managed a 45 minute lap of Spa. It was one of the quickest laps that I did all weekend. One of my many eccentricities is that I like to run around the circuits that I race at. I do it partly to have a look at the size of the curbs and to take in the track surface changes. One of the items of interest at Spa was the green stuff that is laid on the outside of some of the corners. As far as I could estimate it was carpet or at least as material no further than second cousin from carpet. I made a mental note that its grip levels were likely to be poor.

Of course the main reason I run is in a forlorn attempt to stay fit. One of the many things that makes me smile about single seater racing is seeing the drivers emerge from their cars at the end of a race or practice session. In our tight Sparcos we are dead ringers for the Mark Webbers and Jenson Buttons in Formula 1. The mass of grey hair (or in my case the absence of hair) on view when we remove our helmets tells the awful truth. Many of are not in the first flush of our youth.

With this in mind I thought I would share with you some of my health secrets. If you follow them then you too can be as slow as me. I will first suggest what I believe to be the most healthy way to live and just to avoid any allegations that I don’t do as I suggest I will admit what I actually do.

The Most Healthy Way to Live	What Steve Does
Diet There are very few fatties in sub-Saharan Africa. Once we have stopped growing we need remarkably little food. In fact we need far less than most of us want. A good diet of plenty of meat, vegetables and fruit should be enough for anyone. Some of the most unhealthy people I know are vegetarians.	A famous vegetarian's epiphany SG the truth:- I never (almost) eat potatoes or rice. I stuff myself with loads of red meat, salads and fruit. I never go a day without chocolate.
Weight There is a huge amount of b****cks written and spoken about this. I get very tired of fat people in my clinics telling me at length about what they don’t eat. Forget Body Max Index. Take your kit off and stand in front of the mirror, if there are any bits that are hanging out too far and it isn't your knob then you are overweight. A very simple test is to measure your waist and your hips. The ratio should be no more than 1.1 to 1. Ideally your hips should be slightly wider than your waist. A beer belly is not a badge of honour.	SG the truth:- Waist/hips ratio 0.9. Staying like that is a constant battle though. My cartoon relative Peter has a rather poor ratio.
Alcohol I am convinced that some of the inexplicable accidents that occur during the early morning practice sessions are alcohol related. If the C of C were to breathalyse the whole paddock at 9am I wonder how many would fail? Alcohol is wonderful stuff, rather a lot of calories but has the ability to create great pleasure. For guys of middle age excess drinking has the tendency to cause heart irregularities and possibly bring on early Alzheimer’s. Many would suggest of course that we suffer from premature dementia just for driving race cars. Alcohol can have other unwelcome effects as discussed by the porter in Shakespeare’s Scottish play. Famously Enzo Ferrari encouraged his drivers to drink plenty of Lambrusco with their lunch when testing at Fioriano. He suggested that they might be quicker in the afternoon. Probably not a good idea.. Anyway Lambrusco is for girls. Some of the most miserable people I know are teetotal.	SG the truth:- A day never goes by without some alcohol. I never get drunk because I don’t like the feeling and being a heart doctor I prefer red wine. When John Mortimer was asked about how long he had taken a glass of Champagne with his breakfast he replied “Ever since I could afford it…” I'm with JM on that one but not yet.
Smoking Every Thursday I spend the morning removing peoples’ lung cancers. It’s a mucky job but someone has to do it. I have considered applying to BAT and asking if they would like to sponsor a small logo on my theatre ‘blues’. Perhaps a nice 'Benson and Hedges' on my theatre cap.... Cigarette smoking is for losers. The best thing that came from the tobacco industry is that for several decades they paid for professional motor racing. I remember being at Silverstone the day before a Grand Prix in the 1980s and being anxious that if I stayed still for too long somebody would paint a red and white chevron on me.	SG the truth:- Being a gentleman who likes a bit of risk taking behaviour your scribe enjoys a couple of cigars a week. For many years I have only smoked Monte Cristo Number 4s but times are hard lately and I have had to downgrade to Indonesian as the Cubans are getting a bit pricey. What do I know? I defer to greater men than me on this. Kipling ‘ a woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a Smoke’.
Exercise This is where so many of us oldies give up. Next week I will be doing some stress ECGs for racing licences. In my experience many candidates find that their legs and feet get knackered before their hearts are showing any sign of strife. It’s pathetic, they only have to walk uphill briskly for 9 minutes! For many their idea of a workout is to change channels on the remote. I suggest that regular exercise that gets your heart racing and makes you get breathless is needed. If you are fortunate enough to take that exercise in the horizontal position than good for you but it needs to be at least three times a week. Cycling, jogging, rowing are all good aerobic workouts. Weights are less important as they don’t help the heart much but I suppose we need that strength for hang on to our tiny steering wheels.	SG the truth:- I either run about 6 K or go to the gym at least three times per week. At the gym I do mainly aerobic stuff but a few light weights with lots of ‘reps’. On holidays I try and do a 10K run once a week, it gives me an excuse to drink more beer and eat more food during all those extended lunches and long dinners.

So there you are. Take lots of exercise, eat well, drink and smoke in moderation and you can be grey, bald and slow like me. You won’t live for ever but it just might just seem like it.

Steven Griffin

[Editor's note: For anybody who doesn't know, Steve is Consultant Cardiothoracic Surgeon at Hull & East Riding Hospitals NHS Trust,amongst other roles.]
[Assistant editor's note: Whilst I have no formal medical qualifications as such, I used to hang around with a woman who became a pathologist. Accordingly I suspect "if there are any bits that are hanging out too far and it isn't your knob then you are overweight" may not work if you are female. In case any readers get worried..
Also, if you didn't do King Lear at O Level/GCSE "Take physic, pomp" apparently means "pompous men, take a taste of your own medicine." ]

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